Mourning The Loss of EA's Online Pass, 2010 - 2013

Friends, colleagues and beloved family members. We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of one we cherished.

Today, we say goodbye to EA's Online Pass system.

The Online Pass was taken from us at such a tender age, it's easy to embrace the darkness at a trying time like this. The darkness of the Online Pass. So dark at times that it felt like EA actually hated you.

The Online Pass would not want you to shed any more tears than it caused you to shed during its all-too-short lifespan. Remember the good times! Think back, fondly, on all the memories you shared with the Online Pass.

I have my own memory to share.

It was a bright, sunny day and I had just returned from purchasing the latest Madden NFL game from my local Gamestop. I was a bit bent out of shape at having to spend $54.99 on a game that had been out for two months, but I knew that EA Sports could cure my sorrow. After all, when has EA ever put the consumer second?

I popped the disc into my Xbox 360, loaded up the game and went to fire up an online game, figuring to test out that Russell Wilson cannon against some unworthy foes online.

It was then that I met Online Pass for the first time. There on my screen like a grinning beast of ill omen, Online Pass came into clear focus.

"What is this?" I said, assuming that I had won some sort of giveaway or prize package. I read further. 

"Is EA asking...for more money? But...but that would be like punishing me for buying a pre-owned video game!" I laughed out loud at the foolishness of my statement, EA wouldn't do that to their fanbase!

Online Pass wasn't laughing with me. He remained there on my television screen, staring that malevolent stare that we have all come to know over the past few years and I knew. I knew that Online Pass was real, and he was here to stay.

And so here I stand, delivering the last few words that will usher Online Pass out of this world forever. It was cruel, really, that we should have been given 3 years with Online Pass. 3 long, pain-staking, oft-times miserable years.

We only had you in our lives for three years, Online Pass, and yet it feels like an eternity. At times, it felt like we would never part. Like you would, literally, never go away. Ever. And now you're gone, and words just don't do justice to what you meant to our community! Are there even words, in this world, to describe this feeling?

Surely, nothing in the English language could personify these complicated emotions.

But, yes!

There are words, words that have the power and inspiring ability to fully put into perspective this tragic loss.

The loss of Online Pass, who was always ready to take a few more hard-earned dollars with a smile. He who so deeply despised pre-owned sales losses that he would selflessly sacrifice the online components of the games we loved until we forked over just a little more money. Online Pass, who came into our lives with the utter disregard of a runaway train through a busload of orphans.

Online Pass is gone, but we finally know the words that can do him justice.

And those wor-

Please enter your EA Online Pass code to enjoy everything that this eulogy has to offer! Features include: the rest of this eulogy.

Comments

  • To post a comment, please or register a new account.
Posts Quoted:
Reply
Clear All Quotes